I’m psychologist Dr. Michelle for Webihealth. How do we re-wire our brains so we can get along better with our partners? By changing our thoughts and behaviors. In order to develop better relationships, it’s important to understand what old emotional triggers we have from the past. Some experts think that arguing can be healthy for a couple, because it means, “something has to change.” that’s true, but I believe that if we argue on a continual basis we can actually get “addicted to the drama” as I call it; and when we’re “arguing on autopilot,” our brains actually get stimulated and addicted to the neuro -hormones that are released in hightened emotional states. Some of these dramatic behaviors are: blaming the disagreement on our partners, becoming angry too quickly, raising our voice, trying to dominate our partners, whining, nagging. And on the more passive side, there is a problem with people who withdraw or disengage from their partner, or who may decide to do something that their partner wants, but they comply with obvious resentment. Do some of these behaviors sound familiar? How we get out of these destructive patterns and rewire our brains depends on changing our understanding of our old triggers and experiences of growing up; and communicating them to our partner. Rewiring our brains also begins with conscious control of our angry reactions to what our partner is saying and learning how to effectively express ourseves. Being patient and listening carefully to what our partners are really saying as well as respecting their needs, feelings and differences of opinion can also become the doorway to more emotional, sexual, spiritual and intellectual intimacy. In the next clip, i’ll tell you about some of the healthiest ways to communicate. I’m Dr. Michelle Cohen for Webihealth.

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