I’m psychologist Dr. Michelle for Webihealth. In order to have a healthier relationship with our partner, it’s important to understand what experiences from the past trigger our anger, and communicate them to our partner. We need to take conscious control of our angry reactions, and listen carefully to what our partners are saying. For healthy communication to occur, you and your partner need to set a specific time and place to talk. If either of you are too upset or distracted; stop, cool down, or wait until you can have a calmer conversation. When trying to get our partners to understand us use what are called, “I” messages, rather than blaming or accusing. When our sentences start with “you always…or “you never,” were not taking responsibilty for our feelings. By saying something like “I feel hurt when you stay out late ,” your partner isn’t as likely to become defensive. By then saying, I feel like I don’t want to be close to you when you finally come home so late, because i’m angry and hurt….Rather than “you’re so selfish.” another key to healthy communication is to agree to stay on one subject at a time. This way you can make progress on one issue which hasns’t been resolved. Probably the most effective way to communicate with your partner is to be an active listener which means listen to your partner without interrupting, even if you don’t agree. After you’ve heard them…. Paraphrase and repeat back what you’ve heard. This is called “reflecting.” using the above example you might say something like “so, what i heard you say was that you are hurt when i come home late and that it will make you colder towards me…is that right?” verify and continue to get clear what your partner is feeling until you both understand eachother. These are some of the most important tools for healthy communication. I’m Dr. Michelle for Webihealth.

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